A tree
Well first there is a tree, and then there is everything
And the tree is not ‘a’ tree but all the trees and they are woven
And I ask you if you think that trees mourn each other when they die
And you say ‘No!’ and it’s very funny, and I really like to be laughed at (sometimes)
And we see some antlers that look like branches, deer
And I wonder if they will attack us if we go too near their young
And what it would be like to be impaled on antlers
It is a hot day, the day compels us to be outside, it would be a sin or a crime to be inside, and there is a squirrel bounding around and it looks happier than the other squirrels in the city, and I tell you about the other day when I saw a couple of squirrels having sex, or were they making love, on the roof of the garages where also a family of foxes play and I am very happy that the adults had baby foxes and that I hope they don’t get mange or get their tails mangled by cars and anyway there are these two squirrels the one behind the other and there is a third squirrel and it is watching and it is simultaneously really funny and also uncanny and I wonder can animals be perverts and I think maybe, but probably only accidentally.
And it is hot again today but I don’t feel very well and I can’t even really begin to get up which is unusual at least do something do something go outside don’t stay inside write an email come on you owe this report that report this set of thoughts this response this person was nice don’t be so seemingly unkind you really should sort that thing out it’s been a few too many days now and now what is the expectation in terms of response how many days, probably fewer than you think. And there is no acuteness in the moment that has the character of right! so you don’t do it but things are returning to normal now and it is true that if you don’t put the energy back into the city it will stay like a zombie film and all of the life will go out of it and we all have a responsibility to reenchant the world even if the magic was taken out by others a long time ago.
And when you went back to the green it was overwhelming it felt like you were high for two days on chlorophyll and you think sobriety is a trip and are my eyes resetting themselves from grey to green. And you took your shoes off and lay down in it and it was post-real, and you think just move. And like lots of people you spent fifteen months staring at a carpark, and you don’t even drive.
And in the drawing room of the sculptress we talked about ekstasis and standing outside of oneself and epiphany and these heightened moments that feel a bit like a revelation or a realisation. And it occurred to me later that ekstasis could also mean standing outside of a civil war and why it makes sense to think of ecstasy as a collective state where antagonistic feelings of all kinds are put to one side, but probably this is speculative etymology again, but actually why not, words surge up, thoughts slalom like feathers through the crown, it is not for one brain to set the rules we all do that together and when we change words we talk about it and in many ways we talk because we disagree, if we did not we would be silent.
And a silent world would be very sad unless we all agreed to be quiet in sort of peaceful way. And now it is four-thirty and you should have a coffee and go outside.